We’ve seen this kind of thing before, we think: the self-conscious cheese, the knowing fakeness - we know where we stand…Īs we pull back through an open bedroom window, leaving the city behind, a bass-heavy, slow-grinding R & B beat kicks in, replacing the Hollywood pastiche strings. The title of the film unfurls from left to right like an old Noir B-picture. On the soundtrack, bucolic saccharine strings well with Casio artificiality. The city skyline in front of us, illuminated by a soft orange dawn, looks unmistakeably like the two dimensional model that it is. The credits roll, with all names shown as either "John Smith" or "Jane Smith".NOTE: An extended version of this article, which also takes in chapters 13+ of Trapped, can be found here. Stan proceeds to shout after them, "Go ahead! Sue me! I dare you!" Kelly have come out of the closet, and Cruise tells Stan that he made him look stupid and threatens to sue him in England. Stan says that he stated this, but the president denies it. This makes the Scientologists angry at him, with the president threatening to sue Stan for what he said about their religion. When Stan tries to read his doctrine to the followers outside, he cannot do it, and proceeds to tell everyone that Scientology is a big scam. When he says that Scientologists should not have to pay to be in the religion anymore, the president tells him the truth-Scientology is a big scam.
Stan presents his new doctrine to the president, telling him what is in them. Kyle tries to tell Stan the truth about Hubbard, but Stan will not listen. Kelly is also called in, but also finds himself in the closet as well.Īs Stan is writing the doctrine, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman pay him a visit at home. Nicole Kidman is brought in to try to coax Cruise out of the closet, to no avail. Kelly (singing like he does in " Trapped in the Closet") randomly sings then pulls out his gun.
John Travolta, another famous Scientologist, is called in but he also ends up in the closet with Cruise. Meanwhile, the whole town has gotten involved in trying to get Tom Cruise out of the closet.
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Stan says he does not know how to start, then the president tells Stan that Hubbard did not know either. He then tells Stan that his job is to write a new doctrine for the church. The president of Scientology tells Stan the secrets of Scientology, the Xenu story (which is played out on the screen, with "THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE" on the bottom). Stan's callous opinion of his acting upsets Cruise, who subsequently locks himself in Stan's closet, resulting in the running joke of "Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!" Upon entering his room, Stan encounters Tom Cruise, who asks him what he thought of his movies. Randy sends Stan up to his room while he talks with the Scientologists. The president visits the Marsh family's home, and tells his family the news. Due to Stan's impressive thetan levels, the president of Scientology concludes that he is the reincarnation of L. Randy tells him to use his bike money if he wants to join the help program.Īfter Stan goes through his auditing session, the shocked auditor sends the results to the home office.
After the personality test, the auditor makes the assessment that Stan is depressed and a perfect candidate for Scientology.Īt dinner, Stan asks his parents for the money for "a self-help program", telling his parents that he has been depressed and did not know it. Stan starts to question whether Scientology is a religion, which the auditors try to avoid.
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He runs across some Scientologists, who encourage him to take a free personality test. Stan does not go with the rest of his friends to play laser-tag as he attempts to save up money for a new bike. One A-lister locks himself in the closet and refuses to come out after Stan criticizes his "talent." Plot Scientologists converge on Stan's house after he is identified as the reincarnation of L. "Trapped in the Closet" is the twelfth episode of Season Nine, and the 137th overall episode of South Park.
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